To my friend, who may not even know this exists.
To my friend....
I have never been a social butterfly. I am not confident, I am not pretty, I am not easy to handle. And most of all, I am not a good friend. We've known each other since we were 14, it's been 3 years since we first met. I am not your best friend, I do not think I ever was. We've never shared our deepest secrets with each other. I guess you could say we were kind of superficial. I've always been the one to approach you and talk about my problems, and I do not recall you coming to me when you were facing hard times. That's okay. Over the years, we remained friends, maybe close friends. I've met a few other people whom I held closer to my heart, and I often ran towards them instead of staying by your side. I didn't accompany you to the toilet. I didn't follow you to consult the teacher. I didn't walk with you when you didn't want to walk alone. But then you stayed by my side.
I, of all people, should know that I do not deserve someone like you. Sometimes I really do wonder why you choose to stay by my side and be my pillar of support. I feel guilty all the time, when I look to you for help, and when you agree and decide to eat with me instead of your new classmates just because I did not want to be lonely. To be very honest, I find it extremely difficult to make friends, and even more so, maintain friendships. It's very tiring and most nights I lay on my bed and I tear up thinking about all the friendships that I had let go of because I wasn't able to maintain it. I've let many amazing people go in the past, and some days I miss them a lot. But unlike them, who walked away once they realised that I couldn't be there for them like they could for me, you persevered.
I've met quite a few people who I consider to be my 'best/close friends' but they turned out different from what I expected them to be. They weren't interested in listening to me talk about my problems, they'd ignore my messages. They were never the ones to contact me first. I guess I have pretty bad eyesight to miss such a precious gem in my life, you.
So for that, I want to thank you so much. For assuring me when I felt insecure, for listening to me talk on and on about unhappy things that happened to me, for ditching your classmates to have lunch with me, for helping me out without any complaints. I don't say it often because I don't have the courage to, but I am so grateful for you, I don't think a day will come when I'd stop being grateful.
I know I may not be able to be there for you physically, but if you ever need a listening ear, please do not hesitate to come to me. I do not show it but I hold you close to my heart. You are an amazing person, I hope you'd never doubt yourself and your abilities, and never let the haters get to you. Thank you for being so loyal. And thank you for being you,
.....who never once gave up on me.
